Right and Wrong
by Raina
Summary: [PWP, Akuroku, XemnasRoxas noncon] Roxas is learning that emotions and their memories are trickier than he could have imagined.
1. The Pain Beforehand

**Title: Right and Wrong **

**Pairings: AxelRoxas, XemnasRoxas non-con **

**Warnings: Oh, for God's SAKE. NON-CON. LEMONY GOODNESS. **

**A/N: I admit it. I completely admit it. This is just an excuse for me to write a decent Akuroku sex scene and some damned awesome non-con. The pr0n is the plot. I'm sorry, guys. But if you happened to enjoyed this, please go throw yourselves on my story, One for the Money. It needs some love. Oh, and I guess I better explain this, because some of you will go, "WTF? Axel's OMG RAPING ROXAS!" No, no he's not. This is just how I believe Roxas would act in bed. :D Added note: It was odd as hell having Gold Digger come on while writing the Xemnas scene. XD **

Roxas needed those precious moments by himself, those moments where he was simply alone. They gave him time to think, to come to his own conclusions, and to order his life. Yes, he liked to categorize his life. He found himself going over events of previous days and associating feelings with them. Or what he assumed was the memory of feelings.

For Larxene's outbursts, and her not-so-subtle hints about her sadism, he imagined that she inspired awkwardness, that strange mix between fear, disgust, and not knowing what the hell to say. He imagined that whenever she pulled out her copy of Marquis de Sade, his appropriate response would be to leave the room or to stand there, with a blank look on his face.

Marluxia inspired the feeling of absurd laughter, disbelief, and mocking. His attempts at showing off his power was always ruined by some sort of pun from Axel or Demyx about flowery justice. He would have to remember to laugh the next time either of them said anything about it.

Lexaeus was definitely fear. He only had to look at how the smaller animals cowered and fled from Larxene to remember the similarities between himself and Lexaeus. However, he wasn't certain if it was really fear he felt or intimidation. He was quite sure that if Lexaeus ever decided to start swinging that hammer his way, his keyblades would be quick to put him in his place.

Demyx was purely laughter, happiness, he supposed. Roxas figured that his comments, while often not as cynical as the rest of them, were really designed to create laughter from an audience who no longer had the means to care. Perhaps that was how Demyx's Other had been.

Annoyance was something he ascribed to Luxord. The man's single-mindedness was clearly frustrating, even to him, with no heart. In fact, the Superior had told him once that it was the negative feelings that Nobodies were more likely to remember. He was probably right.

He didn't know how to describe how he felt about Zexion. The man didn't speak very often, and when he did, it was often pertinent and utterly dry of personality. Perhaps Zexion had always been that way.

Vexen, however, made him angry. His know-it-all tone often had him reaching for his keyblades, and Axel reaching for his chakrams. Roxas didn't see him very often, though it never really bothered him.

Xaldin, like Lexaeus, inspired fear. There was no doubt in Roxas's mind about this emotion, though. He knew that he was afraid of Xaldin, and he hoped he would never have to cross weapons with him.

Xigbar made him feel better about himself, because he could not imagine that the man was as intelligent as everyone around him claimed. Saïx made him angry.

The Superior, Xemnas, was unnerving, nervousness. Perhaps he even hated him. He couldn't recall what about their few interactions that made him so sure of his judgment, but he knew that he didn't want to be caught alone with Xemnas. He was grateful for his constant companion.

He walked away from the window, turning his back on the fabled, wanted, cherished Kingdom Hearts. As he pulled off the dark cloak from his nakedness, he wondered absently what feelings Axel really inspired. He tossed the cloak to the side and went to the water bowl that had been pushed to the side. The cool water splashed over his, surprisingly, warm face.

Axel was the epitome of envy. Roxas wished he could decipher the hints of feelings and play upon them like Axel did. He couldn't tell if Axel really was a nobody, sometimes. He shivered and wiped the water from his face. But Axel wasn't completely envy. Axel was fun, laughter, knee-slapping, side aching.

He sat on the bed with a dejected stare at the floor. What was Axel? Was he complicated? Because there were times Roxas could remember that he definitely didn't like Axel. Axel was, at the very best, an asshole. He was a manipulator, pulling on the heart strings, or lack thereof, of everyone around him.

Was he being pulled along, he wondered as the redhead appeared before him. Roxas's face colored, and Axel's eyes gleamed, his eyebrows raised, and his mouth the in the shape of an 'o' that was slowly morphing into the most obvious of smirks. Roxas reached for his cloak furiously, demanding, "What?"

Axel sat next to him with a loud laugh. "Well, I was wondering what you were doing. So, you sleep in the nude? Very interesting!" Roxas glared at his rude jokes, knowing that that was what he should be doing then. He was getting good at pretending, he realized, because his cheeks were flaming.

"What does that have to do with what I'm doing?"

"Well, nothing, really. So, what are you doing? I was feeling bored."

"I was thinking," Roxas said dismissively as he edged away from Axel. "About the Organization." Said in preemptory response to Axel's next question.

"What about the organization?" Axel asked, moving closer to him as he attempted to peer through the cover of Roxas's cloak.

"About how I feel about you people," Roxas said angrily as he pushed Axel away and stood up. However, he felt himself yanked back into Axel's arms and forced on his back on the bed. His blue eyes widened in panic at the green ones before him.

"And how do you feel about me, hmm?" Axel leaned over him and he felt very aware of his vulnerability and his nakedness.

"Axel, what are you doing?" he asked quickly, hushed. The silence hung between them as Axel edged closer and closer. "I don't think--" he started to say but was stopped by Axel's gloved finger resting lightly against his lips.

"I don't know… How do you feel Roxas?"

"Like I don't think you straddling me is a good idea. Get off!" he said and shoved Axel away and then propelled himself to where he was the one over Axel. He blinked his bright eyes furiously, quite sure that this hesitation was what they called innocence. Carnal desires had never seemed to cross his mind, but as Axel's gloved hands rested against his bare hips, he shivered and closed his eyes.

Axel's lips against his forced him out of his reverie. He pulled his mouth away from Axel's, though the redhead was still close to him, fully cloaked and covered. As he still reeled from the firm brush of their lips, Axel pushed his weight against his, and he found himself once again at the mercy of the redhead over him.

"Axel," Roxas said quietly before shouting, "You're an asshole."

Axel laughed, and his hand brushed the cheek next to the furious, stubborn, blue-eyed glare. Axel's lips pressed against his in a more firm brushing and chills crawled up his spine. The moment Roxas gasped, Axel intruded his mouth with his tongue. He pulled his face away and Axel smirked before kissing and suckling on that one ticklish spot on his neck.

Roxas's eyelids fluttered in momentary ecstasy before he regained his senses and pushed Axel off him. As the redhead teetered off balance, Roxas grabbed his cloak and pulled him back onto the bed roughly, there the positions switched again. Roxas didn't know the game Axel was trying to play, except that they would play it by his rules.

He leaned down and kissed the red head, lips pressed firmly against his. Seduced by the fiery heat just from Axel's mouth. He didn't know how long he actually lay there, kissing him, except that he gasped in shock as he felt the hands rubbing against his thighs. He gripped Axel's shoulders, and dug his fingernails in deep, causing him to cry out in momentary pain. His hands moved closer to Roxas's cock, and Roxas noticed that he had slipped his gloves off. As the warm hands rubbed against him, Roxas stopped focusing long enough for Axel to push him up and against the nearest wall.

The younger boy gasped as Axel once again kissed him in strings, one kiss barely connecting to another, hands wandering from their place on his cock to all those spots that had been confided over the quiet sunsets of many afternoons. Roxas could barely stand on his own, and as he sank down the wall, Axel followed him. There was no escape from the throbbing, the shivering, the will to fight back.

Roxas, in a sudden burst of strength, grabbed the zipper of Axel's cloak and yanked it down until he was able to push the cloak off of his upper body. Before he could get any farther, Axel snatched his hands and pinned them above his head. He twisted and turned, screaming into Axel's mouth as he firmly kissed him again. To compensate for the lost use of his hands, Axel placed his body more firmly against Roxas and let his mouth wander down the boys neck, suckling on the edge of his collar bone.

The sheer warmth of Axel's body was driving him absolutely insane, and he cried, pleaded, begged. He wanted to know the name of this game, and the teasing was killing him. As Axel's hair brushed against his face and the warmth of his mouth against his nipples, Roxas cried out again, hurtling every insult he knew and some that he didn't.

In a fit, he finally loosed Axel's hands and grabbed the zipper of his dark cloak again. The damned thing was almost past his hips. Axel grabbed his burning cock. As he kissed the enraged Roxas, he stroked it gently, driving Roxas all the more wild, and with no useful outlet to control Axel's movements. He clenched his fists and fell forward onto the redhead's chest, burying his face into it, loud groans muted. Axel smirked and squeezed a little harder. He could feel Roxas's teeth against his skin as Roxas tried to bite him. With his free hand, he lifted Roxas's chin and kissed him.

Roxas threw himself into the kiss, as his hands found their way into Axel's hair. On their way there, they stopped at his ears where Roxas rubbed them gently, much to Axel's shock. His eyes widened and his grip tightened. Roxas's gasp was silenced as Axel pushed his face back into the kiss. The prickles of sweat slowly sliding down Roxas's thighs and chest, and the erratic breaths and Axel's deliberate movements. Their tongues intertwined.

Roxas could feel the light brush of Axel's fingertips, and the pulsating from his member. And the next thing he knew, he was on his back, Axel's hand resting firmly against his abdomen. Roxas could see the full view, and knew that he had done well in getting the cloak off of Axel.

He was massaging something into his own hard cock with a smirk at Roxas. When he thought Roxas might possibly be forgetting just what power he had over him, he squeezed him and pressed his lips firmly against the smaller boy's, catching his pained moans in his mouth.

Axel's tongue aggressively caught the Roxas's as he rubbed him harder, and Roxas pressed firmly against his shoulders, eventually drawing his nails down Axel's chest. He could barely control his motions, and the red covering his face then was from the exertion it took not to draw blood with his nails.

Axel moved his legs apart with his knee and Roxas stopped, panicking for a moment as he suddenly tried to shove Axel off him, but Axel couldn't be budged this time. He pulled his mouth away to protest, but Axel ignored him and instead kissed his neck. His voice caught in his throat. Axel pressed against him and eventually entered.

He tensed and Axel gasped. As he moved further inside him, Roxas cried out from the initial pain and shock. He pushed at Axel's chest, even as the pain began to vanish, replaced by that ecstatic feeling at the down stroke. Axel continued to massage him and he could feel his saliva dripping from his teeth and onto his parted lips.

He could barely control himself anymore and his juices could be felt between his thighs. Axel kissed him and he pulled away, not letting anything muffle his ecstatic moan as he ejaculated. He panted and moved his hands to brace himself for Axel's continued thrusts. When he tensed, Axel would bite off his moans. Roxas could feel it when he finally released himself, every wet detail.

They looked at each other and panted, both red, wet with sweat. The lust that Roxas hadn't even realized he'd had had been satisfied, even as he wanted to smack that knowing smirk off of Axel's face.

It was their secret, but Axel was terrible at keeping secrets. He liked to press Roxas close to him, to massage those sensitive spots on his neck, sides, and back. He came on so suddenly because he liked to see Roxas helpless for that one instant before he came to his senses and punched him.

He liked to remind Roxas that lust was one of the few feelings that Nobodies could still honestly and truly have. But Roxas felt it was something deeper. Had anyone else approached him in the same manner, he would have done more than punched them. He would have screamed, raged, attacked them, keyblades in hand, no mercy.

He knew others watched and whispered, but he didn't care as long as they realized that the liberty was not theirs.

Axel caught his lips in a light kiss as he turned to walk away. "I'll be back later, kiddo," he said with a wave. "Gotta go keep Marluxia in his place and all that jazz." He grinned. "And if you want to wait up for me, I wouldn't mind at all."

Roxas smiled and waved without taking his gaze from the heart shaped moon above the two of them. "Have fun." Axel's laughter died off as the portal closed and the wind blew. Roxas paused and looked around.

He turned to walk inside, wondering for the umpteenth time, what were they doing? Waiting idly? What about their goal to gather hearts? Had that been put on hold? He frowned at the black cloak blocking his way. He had been so lost in his, what he supposed was anyway, frustration, that he had almost walked into the person towering above him.

"You're rather familiar with number VIII… Roxas." Roxas looked up at the man blocking his path and frowned.

"I don't see how that's any of your business, Superior," he replied coolly as he stepped to the side to pass him, but was stopped by Xemnas's arm blocking his path. He turned his harsh gaze at the Superior's face. "Move."

"I think you misunderstand me, XIII." The man grabbed his shoulder and turned him around where a portal lay quietly, waiting. Roxas pushed his hand away before he could lead him into the portal.

"Get away from me, Xemnas."

Xemnas laughed and roughly pushed him into the portal, where he landed on his back, against the bare white tile of an empty room. Roxas looked around momentarily before jumping up, calling the keyblades to his empty hands. Xemnas looked at him disdainfully.

"There's a reason the Organization looks down on relations between its members, Roxas."

"Since when?" he snarled in reply as he took a vengeful swing at the Superior's head. However, his keyblade stopped, mid swing, forcibly. He yelped and pulled his hand back, clutching it gently. One keyblade in his hand, the other suspended in midair.

"Because you can't satisfy one member and then spurn all the rest. It's not fair, so it's best not tolerated at all." He smirked as he took a step towards the boy. The suspended keyblade clattered to the floor between them and quickly returned to his hand. His grip wasn't as strong as it had been before, though.

"So, XIII, Roxas, are you going to be the Organization whore, since you were so eager to sleep with VIII?"

Roxas snarled and swung both keyblades at once, furious at the Superior, who raised a hand . The keyblades pinned above his head, suspended much like before. The dark streaks of lightning came from his hand and into Roxas. He screamed at the sudden pain, immediately letting go of the keyblades and hunching over, breathless.

He looked at Xemnas with narrowed eyes. The keyblades above him vanished and he moved his hand to the side to create a portal out of there. As he turned to run through it, he found his path blocked by Xemnas, who shoved him back down. The keyblades appeared in his hands again and he swung furiously.

"If you don't agree, I'll take what I want by force, Roxas," Xemnas whispered into his ear from behind him. Roxas screamed in pain again, as the electric jolts ricocheted throughout his body. The portal vanished before him and Xemnas slowly unzipped his cloak as he struggled to gain control of his screams. He dropped the keyblades at his side uselessly.

When the cloak was off, Xemnas stopped the shocks and Roxas lurched forward, his twitching palms against the floor, hair a mess, breath in erratic gasps. His hands twitched towards his keyblades and Xemnas laughed. Before he could grab them, he found himself pulled up by his hair and thrown against the wall. As he tried to struggle, he discovered to his abject horror that he couldn't move.

"There is a reason that I'm your Superior, Roxas," Xemnas said with what sounded like pity. "And it's not just because I was the first Nobody." He traced his finger down from Roxas's lips, to the inside of his thighs. He smiled at the boy's enraged screaming. "Silence."

He covered Roxas's mouth and again the shock waved through Roxas. His eyes rolled back and his head drooped. But his screams could still be heard through Xemnas's hand. He stopped screaming to breathe, loudly, with the catching of repressed sobs. Xemnas smirked as he watched the boy's beautifully blank eyes, even once the electricity had stopped. He drug his nails down his chest, small droplets of blood following the path he set.

He slowly unzipped his own cloak as Roxas's eyes started to focus and as his senses started to return to him, enough for those once blank eyes show the most realistic impression of fear that Xemnas thought possible. Fear, humiliation, rage, and helplessness.

Roxas cried in pain as he hit the floor, and his hands were immediately brought behind his back. He turned his head to the side with eyes screwed shut, teeth clenched, trying to will the keyblades to come, though he couldn't imagine what good they would do in his position. His face was pulled to face Xemnas by invisible fingers that pried his mouth open. He started to yell protest, but was silenced by Xemnas's cock shoved into his mouth.

He gagged and tried to pull away, but couldn't. Xemnas thrust inside his mouth and he clenched his fists. His eyes would not open, much to the Superior's disappointment. Xemnas pulled his hair, as if that might get him any more leverage on the smaller boy. "I think you had best work, Roxas," Xemnas said with that smug tone.

Roxas would have said something Axel called a "smartass comment," but he couldn't and pain soon enveloped his senses. As if in the distance, he heard Xemnas say, "Work, and it'll stop." Roxas could have laughed bitterly, as the ends of his nerves frayed and splintered. He wasn't even sure where he was anymore, except that he knew that he would die if it kept up.

He didn't want to die, he realized, shamed by the predicament that he was in. He coughed and gagged once more before placing his tongue to the moving member. He couldn't take all of it into his mouth, but he tried as he started sucking. As Xemnas promised, the shocks stopped and he felt his stomach turn over.

He gagged a lot, as the Superior liked to shove himself fully down Roxas's throat, and there were times he thought he was going to die from suffocation. Xemnas pushed him down, removing his cock from Roxas's mouth. He rolled to the side and coughed, hacked, trying to get rid of the taste of the pre-ejaculation fluid. His cough was stopped by his own cry as Xemnas seized his member.

Unlike Axel, though, Xemnas's intentions had nothing to do with turning the boy on. He grabbed hard and rough while Roxas squirmed uncomfortably, pinned by the stronger and bigger man's body. "That was pathetic. You wouldn't treat VIII the same way, now would you?"

"Axel," he cried out, reaching to punch Xemnas, but his feeble hand was stopped easily, "never made me do that."

"But I'm sure he did this," Xemnas replied sticking three fingers suddenly and forcefully into Roxas, who cried out in pain.

"No he didn't," he said quickly as he tried again to push Xemnas away. "Stop, now!" He hadn't shed a tear yet, and Xemnas so desperately wanted to see him cry, to see those blue eyes spill over in hopeless despair, or pain. Or, perhaps, both. The only one among them who still had a connection with his heart, even if it was the slightest connection. He wanted to see him hurt for having something that he so desperately wanted.

He twisted and turned his fingers, purposefully trying to catch skin and rip it, but Roxas's unfinished work was wont for attention now. He withdrew his fingers and laughed as he positioned himself between the boy's legs. Roxas panicked and called the keyblades to his hands again. As he moved to swing, Xemnas caught both of his hands and pinned them on the floor, squeezing his wrists until he dropped the them to the floor.

He laughed as he violently pushed against Roxas and forced his way inside. Roxas screamed and thrashed his legs, until he realized that made it worse. Xemnas could hear him call for help, for Axel, and just screaming in dejected pain. His face was a pure work of art, screwed up in fear and pain. The tearless sobs choked his calls. Xemnas bit into his shoulder, and the boy only squirmed more, much to his pleasure and the boy's humiliation. His deep shudders were pure bliss. That shaking in his shoulders was wonderful, except for the distinct lack of wetness around the edge.

"I don't see why you're so smug," Xemnas whispered into his ear. Roxas turned away and closed his eyes, deep shuddering breaths adding to the beauty of the power he held over him. "You're terrible. A whore that's not even good at what he does."

He let go of one of Roxas's hands to cause him more pain, but the boy instantly reached for the keyblade. He backhanded him sharply and the keyblade clattered from his hand and landed several feet away.

His movements had become easier, thanks to Roxas's blood. The parts that Axel had made so pleasurable, Xemnas turned into utter hell. Roxas wasn't quite sure when Xemnas finished, but he remembered being told, "You're a whore, XIII. Say it, tell me what you are."

His hands felt unable to move. He didn't want to move. He didn't want to speak as pain ravaged his body. Xemnas touched his shoulder and he looked up at him. "I am a whore," he said slowly, the words echoing oddly in his head. Xemnas looked like he expected something more, but he didn't persist and he left Roxas to lie in his own blood.

"I'm a whore," Roxas whispered to the air after he was gone. "No, no I'm not," he said quickly as his shoulders started shaking. He rolled onto his side and curled up, his vision blurring the dark surroundings of the room. "I'm a whore," he picked up the now-useless keyblade at his side. "I'm a whore."

He felt the drops trail down his face and land with two distinct plops on the floor. He growled as he suddenly sat up and threw the keyblade with all his might across the room, raging with all his might, "I am not a whore!" he screamed at the emptiness. "Do you hear me? I am not!"

He sobbed, tears flowing freely down his face. "I am not, I am not, I am not," he repeated to himself over and over as he pulled his knees to his chest. The movement was agony, but he didn't care about the pain anymore. "I am not," he whispered helplessly. Between the wretching and sobbing, Roxas managed to stand up. Though, it was sometime later. And even later after that, he managed to clothe himself.

But he didn't leave the dark, solitary room for much longer, preferring to cry in peace. He told himself that the only reason he was crying was because of the pain, not the humiliation, the fear, or helplessness. Nobodies didn't feel, he reminded himself constantly, as a way of comfort. It was just the pain. That he didn't want to be seen by anyone had nothing to do with it, he was just in too much pain to stand up and walk. They would call him weak, _and a whore_, something he was not.

He watched the buildings that surrounded his home, later, once he'd managed to leave that damned place. He watched as the wind blew in his hair, his frown over all of it. He wanted to burn it all. Were he Axel, he would. Of course, were he Axel, that day… Maybe it never would have happened.

He felt his lip quiver for a moment and bit it. He was done crying. He wasn't hurting anymore. He jumped at the sudden voice, "So there you are!" Axel grinned and plopped next to him. "Odd choice of hangouts today, kiddo. So, this is where you vanished off to all day?"

Roxas nodded, staring straight in front of him.

"Any reason?" Axel asked, a suspicious note hanging in the question. Roxas shook his head quickly, and smiled lightly, though he wasn't able to look Axel in the eye. His vision was blurring again and he closed his eyes, quickly. "Oh, really?"

Axel leaned over to kiss his shoulder and he tensed. The man slowly worked his way from there to his neck, to his jaw line, innocent hands wandering towards that damned zipper. Sweet nothings whispered into his ears, and he shuddered. Tears climbed between the closed lids of his eyes and down his face, but he couldn't force himself to fight.

Maybe he really was a whore.

"Roxas, what's wrong?" Axel asked, his motions stopped. Roxas shook his head quickly. Nothing, nothing was wrong. "You're shaking and crying," Axel pointed out insistently.

Roxas shook his head again. No he wasn't. Axel was imagining it. He was fine, he wanted this. He loved Axel, so it was natural to want to do this. Nothing what-so-ever was wrong, because Nobodies couldn't feel, and something should only be wrong if he could feel all the emotions that he should be feeling.

In fact, he should be trying to categorize these hints that were far too strong to be hints. Superior always said that Nobodies remembered negative feelings better. As he thought of Xemnas, his light crying exploded into shaking sobs again. Axel watched in horrified wonder.

Axel tried to hug him, but he shoved him away roughly. "Leave me alone." He bit his words, barely able to say them at all. "I'm not some… person," he spat, "that you have to protect. I'm fine. I'm not a whore."

"Roxas, you never were," Axel replied, bewildered.

"I won't let you make me into one. Get away from me." Roxas stood up, a scream of rage and frustration escaping his lips, leaving Axel bewildered. The redhead stood up quickly and pulled the smaller boy into his arms, despite the furious fighting he was doing, the punching, screaming, pushing.

After a few moments, he stopped struggling and just sobbed, as Axel looked out at the heart-shaped moon in the sky. "What happened, Roxas?"


	2. Promise Me

**A/N: This will never happen again, okay? When I say complete, I mean it. >> But anyway, after this, there will be no more to this story. Look for a mindfuck series coming from me once I finish my current two projects, One for the Money and To Be Honest With Me.**

**This chapter is quite worksafe. OMG, tell me what you think of my angst plzkthnx. :DD**

Since that one night, Roxas hadn't seemed any different on the outside. Axel knew, that whatever had happened was still bothering him. He'd spent hours trying to get the boy to stop crying, and hours after that trying to calm him down. That was far too long for the simple sad memory, which he doubted Roxas would have even if he could remember.

Roxas hadn't always been so cold, at least not to him. In fact, he was rather fond of playing pranks. His pranks were a bit off color, but just about every member was guilty of the harmless, or not so harmless, joke every now and then. There was very little to do to pass the time by day in and day out.

For Roxas, there seemed to be entirely too much time for thinking these days. His demeanor was much colder, more aloof. He was starting to remind Axel of a certain Superior. Roxas didn't notice, more concerned about the wall he was building around himself. He could always feel eyes on him, even when he was sure he was by himself.

So new to the game the Organization played, and so afraid to lose again. Axel wasn't allowed to touch him anymore. At least, not in any way Roxas saw inappropriate. He never said anything, but Axel knew by the look in his eyes he would impale him if he went any further than entirely innocent.

And above them all, Xemnas watched number XIII with a certain sense of pride and accomplishment. He felt as if he'd managed to spoil the ethereal light of Sora. Perhaps he had, even though Roxas was only his Nobody. Would Sora have felt it as Roxas was desecrated, his desperate cries for help? Would his heart enact those emotions that Roxas desperately wanted to forget?

Whether Sora was in any way affected, it was enough to watch Roxas shrink under his gaze. Everyone could feel it when Roxas walked into a room, the infectious sadness surrounding them all and infecting their very souls. His self-hate, and self-consciousness was enough to cause most to check themselves. Xemnas loved how obvious it was, his power over Roxas.

Axel could only look on Roxas in pity and wish he could feel empathy. Perhaps that was all Roxas needed: someone who could feel. Oh, everyone had their own ideas on what Roxas needed, but none of them could understand his psyche. No one understood how closely those supposedly forgotten emotions played on his heart.

"Perhaps Roxas is the one who wants to be the harbinger of Darkness?" Xaldin joked and Roxas smiled.

"Maybe," he answered, cryptic. The rest gave a nervous laugh and walked away. Axel frowned at his still smiling friend, his friend who now looked more hurt than anything else.

"Why did you say that?" he demanded, knowing his friend could not be anything less than far too innocent. If Sora had any darkness in his heart, and Roxas managed to manifest it, he was still far too obviously a child compared to the rest of them. Axel wondered if he understood the words coming out of their mouths.

But Roxas understood far too much, self-destructive thoughts always on the corners of his mind, playing with his smile. Vowing revenge, wanting someone, anyone to feel the helplessness he now felt day in and day out, because Xemnas was on a pedestal he couldn't reach. On a pedestal that no one could reach, could possibly hope to harm.

"What do you mean?" he asked absently, hand holding the pages of the book lightly, while his face rested against the other. Even then, Axel knew he was trying to hide something. His bored expression seemed far too calculated to be genuine, even for a nobody. Not because he was losing his ability to pretend, either.

"You and I both know that you're not even close to darkness, Roxas."

"Why do you say that?" Turn the page, more words to face. Clocks ticked softly, and Axel's breath hung entirely too close, though there was at least a foot of space between them. "It's not like I claimed it first, you know."

"You're depressed," Axel surmised quickly with an airy wave of his hand. "Not a harbinger of darkness. There's just a tad bit of a difference."

Tense shoulders, and light prickles on his back. Pages shifted and the pain of knowing how shocked he looked, though he was trying to look anything but. "I'm not depressed. I've been thinking."

"Thinking about depressing things, no doubt. Maybe you should stop. So you could stop pretending that you're the blackest lack of heart among us all."

"Without a heart, how can I be depressed?" he asked smugly, the realization dawning on him and he could look Axel in the eye with a smirk, though his smile vanished before Axel's unfazed stare.

"Do you think it's impossible to get depressed, Roxas? That having no heart protects us from the feeling of knowing we have no feelings?" Roxas stared and Axel smirked, leaning forward, too close and the boy shrank away. "You're a fool. The only thing you've managed to get past me is why you're depressed. I can't understand for the life of me how you could seem so happy one day and depressed the next." He looked away from Roxas and Roxas looked away from him.

He didn't want Axel to know, for fear that he would only confirm the words Xemnas said, or worse, try to protect him, to avenge him. Roxas couldn't bear to have that happen, and so he said nothing, preferring to try and convince Axel that he'd lost all interest in him.

But Axel wouldn't leave, believing there was something special about that night and the closer spent ones before.

"All I've got to go on is your strange words," he continued and Roxas closed his eyes. He didn't want to hear the question he knew was coming next. "So, who did it, Roxas?"

"Did what?" He smiled to himself, knowing that Axel was bluffing, pulling at his secrets in that way he had, to where Roxas almost didn't realize that he was. He was trying to manipulate him so obviously. Roxas wished he couldn't take him seriously. He couldn't look at him, lest the answer be written in his eyes.

Axel's gloved hand on his shoulder, and the strange feeling of being unable to fight overcame him. He had to resist the urge to scream, and failed utterly as Axel's lips brushed his, in the lightest of manners. He could have knocked him flat, but he didn't. The keyblades never appeared.

Roxas shook violently and turned his head away. "Don't touch me." Weakly said, knees pulled halfway to his chest before he could stop himself, protect himself, even though Axel was no longer near him. His words floated to him, as if in a dream.

"Who forced you to, Roxas?"

"What are you talking about?" he whispered to himself. "No one did anything, leave me alone Axel." He turned to face the redhead, and Axel wanted him to cry, his eyes looked as if they needed the relief. His whole face looked so much younger than it really was, and he couldn't force himself to continue the inquisition.

Axel placed his hand over his eyes, unwelcome guilt invading his thoughts for hurting Roxas. The need to know vanished, knowing the sights Roxas was reliving through that blank stare. All he had wanted to know was his accomplice, who would be that one person who would want to tear Roxas down. To hurt number XIII. He removed his hand from narrowed eyes as he realized.

Who was the one among them who held different goals? Who wanted something more than just to be whole? A minute before he had been pulling out his hair, dying to know. Then, he was cursing himself for not realizing before. He looked to Roxas, who was still shaking, though he seemed to be regaining composure.

"Xemnas did it," and even as he said it, he felt sick to his stomach, watching that deer in headlights look on Roxas's face. How Roxas stood up far too quickly shouted far too loudly for him to shut up.

Keyblades clashed against chakrams and Axel knew without a doubt that he was right. But Roxas was too upset to fight, to preoccupied between the time before, and that moment. Axel knocked the keyblades away and readied for another assault, knowing any attempt to take them away from their master would be futile. But Roxas didn't attack again.

He stared in mute agony for a few moments, and Axel watched in fearful trepidation, wondering how anyone could have forced Roxas to do anything he didn't want to do, how anyone could look at him and not rip their hair out for even considering the idea. Roxas had whispered to him once on those sleepless nights that he should consider himself damned lucky.

Roxas didn't have lust, not like the rest of them, and his innocent face was enough to make everyone walk away, never mind their claims in sexual preference or sexual experience. He pointed the keyblade at Axel, announcing just audible, "If you do anything, anything at all for me, I will kill you. This is none of your business."

"What would you have me do, Roxas?" Axel demanded, angry, furious. He wanted to slap him silly and kiss him and protect him all in one move. "Walk away, like you don't exist? Pretend that you're not hurting? Don't you want that bastard to answer for his actions?"

"He showed me my place. Learn yours."

"Damn it, I've got seniority over you, so shut up." Axel raged, throwing his chakrams to the ground. Roxas wouldn't hit him, not then. "What would you have me do, then?"

"Forget this ever happened," Roxas answered quickly. "Never say anything to anyone, don't let this get out, don't ruin me!"

Axel looked away from him and sighed. He held his hand out to create a portal and Roxas jumped. Before Axel could say anything, Roxas was there pulling on his sleeve, on the verge of hysterics. "Axel, you can't leave before you promise!"

"I'll promise." Roxas let go of his arm and Axel walked through the portal, leaving the words, "But promises mean nothing to a nobody, kid."


End file.
